night

Inspiration -

"Like when we danced on the rings of Saturn,
Or read verse where the lava met the sea,"
She whispered unheard and placed
A pebble upon my palm.

-

Bzzzzzzzzzz

Spring

Spring is finally starting to emerge, and yesterday i noticed that a redbud tree (or, whatever its European cousin is) has started to bloom on Bedford Place. I love these small trees! They remind me of the big ones that dot the Carolina Inn's greenspace and the big one near the old ROTC building on S. Columbia. So, just as I am about to leave London, everything is starting to come to life. Blast! I always knew this would be the case. But, hopefully i will get to spend a day or two here in early May on the days before i fly out of London Gatwick on May 4th. This should be a perfect time. Sometimes i like to spell it 'tyme.' I feel ancient and noble!

Also, i was thinking about how when my parents' house burnt to the ground 20 years ago, and all the things that were lost, like books, pictures, and writing. And how that somewhere scattered up the air these words and images still exist. Just broken and wandering now. Never to come back together. But they are still there. Transformed, but present. I thought that was a pleasant thought, about an unpleasant event.

On April 7th, I fly out of London to Warsaw, Poland to start my travel, beginning with a stay in Lublin with Neil. Classes and final wrap on on Tuesday, giving me two full days to get everything ready, figure out what i am going to do with the luggage i am not carrying in my pack, and see some final places i have missed. It will be my own mini Byronic Grand Tour. But with less brooding, and less money.

Walk about

First, Drew has let me know about some chemical means to create my anti-microwave.... i will keep you posted about progress.

Today, I topped up my phone at the store on Tottenham Court Rd, near the huge Centre Point building near Oxford Street. Well, outside that building, adjacent to the road is this large fountain. It has four or five different streams that spray up, and under most circumstances fall gently back into the large pool of water. Well, today the wind was gusting through the street so strongly that when the water would shoot up into the air, the wind blew thick mists out of the fountains area to the sidewalk, across the road, and even to the opposite sidewalk. At the intersection near the fountain, this double-decker bus had its windshield wipers on there was so much agua, and it was clear blue sky out! People on the adjacent sidewalk were getting soaked, and I (on the opposite side) was getting sprayed by this sporadic mist as well. It was so bizarre, and I thought pretty refreshing as well. Well, it was a pretty happy sight; i scribbled some lines down as i crossed over the street, but i can only read have of them now. So much for perpetual inspiration.

Well, after watching the fountain, I went and purchased my new pack - Lowe Alpine (85 Litre). It is wayyyy sweet, and puts my old Mountainsmith pack to shame. It will serve me well in travel, though i didn't have to have it for this April. My other one could have gotten the job done. I am more excited about really getting out and hiking/camping with it when i get back this summer. It is a slim and taller fit, which i prefer over a wider pack. I packed it today so that i could adjust and fit it, and oh! is it comfortable. I had tried to purchase this pack over the internet TWICE in the last month, but it kept being sent back, after delivery failed because of address problems and C.O.D. difficulties. Fucking UPS.

Later tonight I will post some stuff about my 4 day trip to Amsterdam last weekend.

Things I am missing:

- ICE in my drinks
- npr


Things I am not missing about America:

- George Bush
- interstate travel

Anti-Microwaves

I think they should make a kitchen device that does the opposite function of a microwave. That is, it makes stuff cold really fast. I think that would be very useful! Don't you hate it when you leave something in the normal microwave for too long, and it's so hot that you cannot eat it for 15 minutes. How great would an Anti-Microwave be in that situation? Or what about when you buy beer that is not very cold? Or, soda or something? And you have to wait for hours for it to get cold in the fridge or freezer...Or, you want to make homemade popscicles really fast? Or perhaps you are just inordinately fond of ice! And your normal fridge just cannot keep you satisfied. This product is for you. There are plenty of other uses too, and someday it will be invented. And i should get credit.

This is frustrating

Well, Cellar Door officially rejected my poems. I cannot help but feel both frustrated and irritated. Maybe I have no reason; but maybe this will make me try harder? Or, maybe try less at my verse? Ahh. I just don't know. I mean, if they want, I could try to give them some post-modern dribble all about angst, with no form and confused meanings. Some whining profundity of words that is really neo-nonsense. But I would rather write some neo-nonsense of words that is actually profundity.

I try to keep to some traditional forms, poetic movement, and structures. Ok, well not rhyme schemes, but that's something to master later. I will have the Spenserian Stanza down by August. Maybe. But really, i read this "poem" in the Carolina Quarterly's poetry section by some professor from Indiana (or some mid-west uni) that was a 2-paragraph letter to a farm-chicken. An actual letter, addressed and signed. It was bizarre, perversly sexualized, and painfully fragmented. I am sorry, but what the fuck? I want someone to tell me what the fuck it is all about. It might be meaningful, but i don't much think it is poetry.

But, truly, why do i need recognition? Trivial publication? I guess i don't need it, but i do want it. It is nice, you know? I have fallen out of a position of recognition and acclaim, since entering college. I did extremely well in high school. I was lauded, respected. I don't much feel like I am anymore. I have become lost in a university student body, known more by Personal ID number than by name, much less personality. OK, Yes, i have wonderful friends, and yes i have good relationships with certain wonderful professors. ...So, I can define myself through my own thoughts and self-impressions (ie, I can define myself to myself), but it is nice to have some reflection, however muddled, from those around you--to define myself to others. Sometimes i think this is important in Art and life, but then sometimes i think it might be completely inconsequential. I guess, all that I can know for sure is that I am at a time in my life where making myself known to others is becoming essential, even if it is only for professional and educational goals.

I am sorry readers. Please don't lose faith. I will update soon. Running out the door to Scotland for the weekend.

eh

And God coughed until
His spittle flecked the ether
Of the blue heavens.